how i deal with (my) layoff
well, it happened! i survived several rounds, but i guess not this one. most of my department got laid off, so i do not feel so alone, for better or worse.
with such poor communication with the management, i think it's natural if some animosity arises towards people bringing the news and others in the team, however, it is the higher ups who make the calls. this is i think similar to people hating on immigrants - even if, let's say, you see increased crime rates in immigrant areas, the problem aren't the people themselves, but the systemic choices that got us to this point. so the anger should be geared towards the decision-makers. i have some anger, a lot of it is just thinking what lesson i can take from this in terms of management. what did i not like about the communication? what processes are happening in the company from the financial perspective? what is happening psychologically, what group processes are taking place in the company? so, i guess how i deal with stress is via intellectualizing. i also want to dig into the publicly available company financials to then learn what to look at while looking for my next job.
it's just a job. i really liked my team and the tasks, but in the end of the day, job is not a family or friends. it is simply a contract when i am selling my work hours in return for money.
i have a roof over my head, i am healthy, i can afford the necessities. grounding myself helps as well. if we think deeper about it, what is the worst thing about all of it? i will need to look for a job again which is not fun, but i am in a better place now, with more experience, relevant skills, and a better understanding of what it is that i want to work with.
huh. actually, writing this post helps a lot. i am imagining that someone is reading it and maybe nodding along and it might help them in some way. and just getting it out on the internet paper helps.
people at work are really sad. i have noticed that everyone deals differently. i find myself wanting to reach out to other people who were affected, but i am not sure if they maybe do not want to talk about it? i basically just want to say that it was awesome to work together. i think i'll do it in a little bit.
i cried about it today. i've decided to let myself feel whatever i feel and not have sending out CVs be attached to that. like, i can feel as depressed as it feels that day but i will:
- not drink when i am sad. i can drink, just not because of / when i am sad. that's a shortcut to becoming an alcoholic. i can already imagine it, a week out of job, wearing a robe and slippers outside, hair's a mess, and a bottle in my hand ahahaha. atmospheric but maybe not the best right now
- polish up my resume and send it out
- follow my learning plan / skill level up-plan
- try not to overeat. easier said than done
i am noticing that my writing is more distracted. couldn't find my keys today as well, and headphones (which are gigantic). i think it's caused by stress