in the end, we all turn to dust
i've been thinking of death lately since oliver tree's death. i am processing it still and it feels weird to say, since i did not personally know him. maybe that is a mark of a great artist - you feel personally affected by his art and that builds a connection to the person, however one-sided it is.
Screenshot from the movie Flight From Death: The Quest for Immortality (2005)
none of us know when it is our time to go, and that is not grim, but instead something that can allow the person to live to the fullest. "living to the fullest" is a cliche phrase and i think it gets conflated with satisfying your every urge in the moment. to me, living to the fullest is being honest with yourself, giving into the curiosity, treat others according to your values, and not taking life too seriously. like, not lying to yourself in a wider sense is living to the fullest. i think.
it's awesome to build a stable life, to own a house, like truly great, but it is not a prerequisite of being happy. being in my 30s, sometimes it feels like the expected path in life is clear - stability, 9 to 5, and everything else that is included in it. it is clear-cutter and easy to follow (or attempt to), but i think it's useful to question it. what is it that i am drawn to? what do i want to dedicate my life to (or in a less serious way, what do i want to spend my time and thoughts doing / thinking about)?
i am reading philosophers, many of whom are into christianity. i vibe with their thoughts, but i just cannot get into christianity (or any other religion, however christianity is the closest to home). i wonder what it is that i do not understand?
there will be a service in oliver's memory on the 24th of july and think i will attend.