skuka

saturday morning and i'm sipping coffee

i'm remembering how i used to write about 10 years ago, no capital letters and lots of abbreviations. writing this post in the same manner. i remember using twitter with text i think? it was fun. the technology was fun when it was just emerging. it was exciting!

xxx

how coffee could be made: drip coffee machine, put the freshly ground coffee there, add cinnamon (!), drink with oat milk. yum!

xxx

speaking three languages messes with me sometimes, i think. i'm forgetting simple conversational words (in english and russian) and i just had to correct "grinded" to "ground". wondering how that can be counteracted, if at all

xxx

i understand older people better now. it's like, when i was 18 everything was so strung out for the lack of a better word, emotions were not only strong but also tense, it's like anything could break the tension. i've been thinking a lot about age and death, and the strange thing about age is that when i look back, i really really really don't want to go back to even when i was 5 years younger. what do people envy about youth?

the possibilities? the comfort of feeling that you can mess up, you are in your teens/20s after all? why do women want to look younger? i want to look my age, or rather, i don't want to care. i want to look good for sure, be in a good shape, be strong and in control of my body, but younger?

i've always been told i look younger, and it made me feel strange. a rush of pleasure, sure, but also unease.

when a person is told they look 5 years younger, what does that mean? does it mean they take a good care of their appearance? then it makes sense that hearing that feels good. or is it the style? i wouldn't want to be confused for a child in my style, although i do admit it can be childish...

why is it scary to grow old? my hot take is that it is: