what (my) depressive episode feels like
it feels like my body is black hole covered in skin. i wish i knew physics better to draw up a better metaphor than a banal "black hole", but that's what comes up. it's like this darkness that sucks in light and everything good.
impulsively, bad things appear in my mind whenever anyone says or does anything. it's like people are trying to play tennis with me, and i'm supposed to hit the ball back, but instead, it drowns in me.
there is a lack of a desire to do anything, which includes reading, or talking to people, there is this dull and muted sense of disappointment, i guess.
it's kind of funny how easy it is to tell when a person drawing doesn't feel great
i wonder what the healthiest way to interact with others is when you're going through an episode. i cannot produce anything happy, or good, or interesting. it could be interesting to watch myself and notice what's happening.
ps. interestingly, i feel more desire to work than ever. it is nice to get better at something, nice to have a clear goal with clear time boundaries.